Every year, there's always narratives on how this year is better than the previous year, compiling moments of learning, giving thanks for the improvement from the previous year. It's quite cliché when you think about it.
If the theme for 2020 was stepping out of the comfort zone and 2021 was about taking big risks and standing up for what you believe in, so you won't regret it later, then 2022 is about having a grand picture and being responsible for yourself.
*In this chapter, I won't break down every valuable event; I will just share the concept of one or two things that helped me throughout the year.
Let's start with a confession: I used to think I could juggle problems well because of references from the internet, books, movies, conversations, and experiences. When in reality is I'd freak out over small stuff, put in too much effort where it wasn't needed, or feel dragged down by disappointment when the trick to bounce back was actually pretty simple.
The effort and thoughts I poured wholeheartedly, thinking it would be a whole book, turned out to be just one chapter. Well, it's cool if it becomes one chapter; what if the whhole output so far is only three pages for Chapter 1? (which is supposed to consist of hundreds of pages and dozens of chapters) It's still a long way to go.
There's nothing inherently wrong with giving extra effort and thoughts, as I still apply and admire the "go big or go home" mentality. However, it's foolish to feel that one chapter, which isn't even complete, can be summarized, bound, and ready to sell as a book with the expectation of becoming a New York Times Best Seller. Even if the book is done, there will always be a new sequel, and even if there are many sequels, there's still the possibility of a spin-off. Thinking this way, I find a perfect fit with the concept of a 'grand picture.'
After understanding the concept of a grand picture, I realized that 95% of the so-called 'mental breakdowns' I experienced were the result of my ignorance of this concept for decades.
Speaking of the grand picture is boldly speaking wholeheartedly, it is what it is when you stumble on a stair.
Speaking of the grand picture is daring to stop asking "why?" because realizing that seeking answers only fulfills the ego and fuels escaping from the existing reality.
Speaking of the grand picture is about being willing to accept that the law of action and reaction can be wrong, absolute stuff in some cases almost nonexistent.
Speaking of the grand picture is still striving 100%, not minding the possibility of getting messed up by the same shit, different asshole.
Speaking of the grand picture is still being enthusiastic about waking up in the morning, going big driven by something that you truly believe you deserve.
Every day, be inspired by your beliefs, go big by doing your best at your job because believing in your skills, the impact you give, and the experience are invaluable and will help you in the future.
Every day, be inspired by your beliefs, go big by believing you deserve pure love, go big by daring to ask that girl out, be the gentleman, respect her by being honest and treating her like a queen, cherish every moment that you're in love, go big by genuinely being yourself.
For the second point, it's all about responsibility. Someone once said to me "Argo jalan terus" in one of the most critical moments of my life, and that changed my perspective on responsibility down to the neurons. I tried tweaking the result of that encouragement a bit, and I'm proud to say this could be an updated version of "Life Goes On" with features and spices that I believe fit perfectly. Cieilah kaya dah mau kasih keynote product launch
The Taximeter a.k.a Argometer
Life is like being in a taxi. Everyone is in their own taxi with a driver, who is essentially a stranger to us. No one knows how chaotic the journey can be, or even how far the journey will take us. What we do know is the destination, the grand picture mentioned earlier.
We can ask the driver for help to speed up a bit or change route if we feel needed, even though the driver may not necessarily understand what we mean or want. Or even the driver surprise us by knowing a shortcut to get there faster. Whatever happens, regardless of the uncertainty of the driver and the journey, what we need to remember is that the meter will keep running.
Sometimes the road is jammed and blocked, and U-turns thousands of times cannot be avoided. Sometimes we pivot to find a new way, sometimes we're in a straight and smooth road where we feel like we're winning, or sometimes we need to getting stuck waiting by the roadside for something uncertain. It's okay, completely okay, as long as we remember that the meter keeps running and we're the ones responsible for paying for it. The road and the driver are the X factors that we can only accept. It's also important to remember that it doesn't mean we have no control because there are things we can do, as mentioned earlier.
The essence of this analogy is not how expensive the meter is because in the end, we won't care about the cost when we see how fulfilling the grand picture is in front of us. The essence of this analogy is not how fast we go, rush things out or need to finding shortcuts, but enjoying the journey. What needs to be remembered is not to blame the taxi driver (who is essentially a stranger), or even the taxi next to us when we're stuck on the roadside, in traffic, or making U-turns and seeing the meter getting expensive. What needs to be remembered is getting angry at our taxi driver or the road is 99% pointless. What needs to be truly remembered and is the essence of everything, you're the only one responsible in this universe for your taximeter and no matter how long or expensive it takes, when the grand picture is in front of your own eyes, you will cry because of how worth it the journey is.
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Last but not least, what I write and believe in will not be absolute truth and could be greatly mistaken. Speaking of the year 2023, I won't say 'next year is going to be my year', because I firmly believe that 2024, 2025, 2026, 2027, and so on will be exponentially better. I won't make a bucket list for the next year because even the most memorable and joyful thing this year wasn't on the list. I won't hope to be happier or achieve a so-called zen state, I won't hope to live life to the fullest. The only thing I hope for and will continuously learn is how to be a more genuine version of myself.